Limbo
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: "The moment of blurred reality and panic as both shots ring through the precinct causes Beckett's heart to stutter, and she misses Castle's stumbled pitch to the left."


**Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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><p><em>Based on a prompt from the Castle Fanfics Prompt Blog on tumblr : "Coonan already pulls the trigger on Castle before Beckett shoots Coonan. (Doesn't have to be death)"<em>

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><p><span><strong>Limbo<strong>

_**lim·bo**_ - an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition

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><p>She pulls the trigger two seconds too late.<p>

Her shot rips through Coonan's chest and immediately drops him to the floor, but not before Coonan's shot rips through Castle's side, dropping him to the floor as well.

The moment of blurred reality and panic as both shots ring through the precinct causes Beckett's heart to stutter, and she misses Castle's stumbled pitch to the left. It's more loss of balance than reaction, but nonetheless the move inevitably saves his life.

Beckett instantly abandons all thoughts of keeping Coonan alive in favor of dropping to Castle's side and pressing her hands to the entry wound on his side. The only thing she can focus on is how much blood there already is beneath him.

Coonan could have given her more information on her mother's murder than she's ever received had she been given the chance to break up, but now that chance will never come. And she can't bring herself to care about any of that, because the son of a bitch shot Castle.

His blood covers her hands, the floor, her pants, but the only thing she's focused on is the pair of wide, blue eyes staring up at her.

She can only hear pieces of the orders that Montgomery is shouting through the chaos that has now taken over the precinct. More than one cop tries to take over for her, pull her away from Castle, but she shrugs them off and for those long moments of limbo, everything but the shallow sounds of his breathing fades away.

His eyes start to slide closed mere seconds before the paramedics take over, but not before she begs him to stay with her.

Her pleas of, "Stay with me, Castle, please, I need you," cut through the swirl of madness as they load him on the stretcher and wheel him away and she's left wondering if he heard anything she said.

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><p>The second he's out of her sight and she realizes that she covered in his blood, the enormity of the situation begins to take hold of her. She's on the verge of a full blown panic attack when she feels a hand on her shoulder and that's all it takes for her to reel in the emotions.<p>

She can't lose it in the middle of the precinct. She won't.

And in spite of her desire to put her mother's murderer behind bars and finally fuel that overwhelming need for justice, her only regret for killing Coonan is not being able to roast him for shooting Castle.

She gives her statement as soon as she's cleaned up, but regardless of the amount of time she washed her hands, they're still stained with the memory of Castle's blood.

She opts to take a cab to the hospital because she doesn't trust herself to drive. Facing the red-heads terrifies her, but the moment she enters the waiting room she finds her arms full of a very emotional Alexis. After recovering from momentary shock, she wraps her arms around the young girl and offers Martha a sad smile.

"How is he?" she mouths over the flaming red hair that's pressed against her chest.

"He's lucky," she whispers. "Somehow the bullet missed all of his major organs. He lost a lot of blood, but he's going to be just fine."

Her heart stutters, beating an erratic, altered rhythm against the wall of her chest.

He's going to be okay.

When the call comes announcing that two of them can go in and see him she motions for his family to go on and takes a seat in the corner of the room to wait for her turn.

She spends the time waiting trying to sort through that sea of emotions and feelings.

Something in her has changed.

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><p>When her turn finally comes, she rushes to his room.<p>

Her step falters half way into the room when she takes in the paleness of his face.

God, what has shadowing her for research done to him?

She takes tentative, cautious steps until she's standing beside his bed. His eyes shut but there's a scrunch to them that give away the pain he must be feeling and she winces at the thought of it.

He doesn't deserve this.

It doesn't matter if he's the one who pushed her to re-open her mother's case, because in reality, she never would have made it this far without him. He drives her crazy sometimes, but he's the first person since her mother was murdered who's made her feel like more than a hollow shell.

He doesn't deserve this.

She lightly runs her fingers over arm and she has to fight back the tears that threaten to fall.

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she whispers. "If only I'd been faster."

His eyes flutter as he stirs at the sounds of her voice and she holds her breath when they flash open and focus in on her.

"Beckett," he rasps and she instantly reaches for the cup of water that's on the tray by his bed. She holds it to his lips so that he can sip through the straw and then places the cup back on the tray.

"Hey, Castle."

He offers her a smile before his brow furrows in confusion.

"What happened?" he asks.

She's completely unprepared for his question and she has to look away from his questioning gaze.

"Coonan shot you because I wasn't fast enough. I should have been faster. Castle, I'm so sorry." And completely without her permission, the damn tears roll down her cheeks, unleashing the flood she's been desperately trying to hold back.

"Beckett?" he tries, but she only shakes her head.

"Kate, look at me please," he tries again.

She slowly shifts her gaze back to his.

"It wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

She huffs, shakes her head again and paces away from him. "How can you even say that, Castle? I should have dropped him before he ever had the chance to take a shot at you."

"You had no way of knowing what he was really going to do. There's no way that I would ever blame you for this."

"You never should have been in those crosshairs."

"You're right," he answers and she stops her pacing to look at him again.

"What?"

"You're right. I never should have been in them. I make your job harder and putting you in situations like that isn't okay. That was it for me. I'm going to stop shadowing you."

Hot tears splash angrily down her cheek as she registers what he's saying. He's going to walk away from her. That's initially what she wanted, but that's not the case now.

That feeling that something had changed hits her again and suddenly she knows what it is. She's falling for him and letting him walk away from her is no longer an option.

"Beckett, please don't cry anymore," he pleads and she forces herself to take steps towards him until she's back at his bedside.

"You can't do that, you can't walk away," she whispers so low that he almost misses it.

He tries to reach for her hand but the movement causes him to wince in pain. "Come here, please," he hisses out through clenched teeth.

She moves closer and perches a hip on the side of his bed, letting him take her hand in his own.

"I don't want to walk away, but if I'm putting you in situations like that I can't continue to-"

She shakes her head and squeezes his hand. "Did you hear what I whispered to you before the paramedics took over?"

He pauses for a moment to think and she worries that he didn't but then he smiles at her. "Something about needing me?"

She laughs and nods her head.

"Yes, and I meant it. I need you, Castle."

"What does that mean exactly?" he asks.

"It means that I need you as my partner, my friend and-" she trails off because she's not sure she's ready to admit more than that.

He doesn't let her off the hook that easily.

"And?"

"I don't know if I'm ready for more than that, but I know that when I am I want it, with you."

She starts to look away again when he takes longer to answer than she expected, but he stops her with the squeeze of his hand.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kate."

And she's suddenly looking forward to a future that involves Richard Castle as her partner, her friend, and so much more.

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><p><em>Would love to hear your thoughts! xo<em>


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